Two jobs. Freelance. Parenting. Therapy. Room mom. Half marathon training. My level of exhaustion may be at an all-time high. And yet, as my husband will attest, I keep pushing forward — juggling the balls as best I can in an effort to not let anything hit the ground, while picking up other balls along the way.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I not know when or where to stop?
Is it because I’m afraid to sit still and relax? Is it because I feed off of the chaos? Is it because I’m afraid that, if I stop, I will have too much space in my brain to allow for the anxiety and depression to creep in and rear its ugly head?
Maybe it’s all three. I honestly don’t know. I’m trying to understand it, but I can’t. This is just ME. I don’t know how to be any other way. I don’t know how to relax or sit still or be idle. I don’t know how to let things go or take on less responsibility. All I know is to give give give and go go go, while offering up a million percent of effort into everything.
How do I stop?