She wails and she screams. Then, she pauses as I spend a moment rubbing her back and urging her to sleep. When I let up, she wails and she screams some more.
This cycle continues for close to an hour, until finally, I can’t handle it any longer — I go back to what worked at the very beginning:
I rock her.
It takes her a moment to give in, but when she does, she does it completely. Her eyes seal shut, and the weight of her barely 25-pound body feels heavy on my chest.
And I feel my own body relax — not because she’s finally napping, but because this rare, fleeting moment is everything that I live and breathe for.